I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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