Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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