I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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