Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
