So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
