You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
