There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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