i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
jump out the window naked night went bad
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