wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
