I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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