last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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