It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
