it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
