im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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