3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
