she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
