dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
