honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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