my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Randomize
