I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Still dying that you shit outside
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
