A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
