My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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