If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
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