I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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