chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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