mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
