Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
this just has baby written all over it
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
