I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize