Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
