at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
