just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
