so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
