I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
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