i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
please don't ironically join a cult
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