Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
