sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
