god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
