I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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