it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
