what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
