Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
