my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
