soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
