Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
