the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
