we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize