can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
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