We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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