Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
