Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
