That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
