his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
