Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
