I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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