I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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