what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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