i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
