Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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