why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
