She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
