Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
