so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
