you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
