sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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