he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Randomize
