It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
