Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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