I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Randomize
