There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
