It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
