He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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