Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize