either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
